Sunday, October 4, 2009

Okay, time to be BOLD

So here it is, my rant on male/female relationships in L.A. (and well, basically anywhere single people are) ... Guys, start dating. I'm not saying "hang out" with girls. I'm not saying wait until you are 100% positive you want a relationship with her. I'm saying you see a girl you think is attractive, you have a conversation here or there in groups, you've become Facebook friends, and now you want to get to know her better...well ASK HER ON A DATE. Be honest. Actually say the words "I'd like to get to know you better." Make it clear it's a date. Newsflash: she's not going to automatically assume this means popping the question is next. It's perfectly fine to try and get to know somebody, find out you don't click, and move on. At least you found out.

Just so you know, there are some of us you are not going to learn a whole lot about in a group setting. I don't share tons of info about myself in groups. I also can come off loud, and boisterous, and a little too in control or independent for most guys when I'm in groups. But if you got me to yourself you'd see that I would fully let you have control. Most girls are this way. We all have a side that you won't see in this group setting. No matter how much you learn about us amongst friends, we will be different when you get us alone.

As for the matter of the "good friend". This is merely a relationship without the title or the physical side. Either suck it up, realize you like the girl, and tell her so or face the fact that it's never going to become a full-blown relationship and give each other some space. Rent "When Harry Met Sally". If Harry's words to Sally at the ending New Year's Eve party don't ring true in your "good friend" scenario then it's time to let each other go. If they do ring true, well then get moving and ask her out! By the way, if you are in one of these "my best friend is of the opposite sex" relationships, just an FYI that when one of you does get into a real relationship it's going to make this one very messy and complicated. And it will probably end. Seriously.

And oh yeah, if you are in your 30's (and this includes those of you who are literally 30 years old), please remember that you are merely years away from being that creepy single guy. At least when I'm older and single people will feel sorry for me. When you're single and old people will just wonder what's wrong with you.

Okay, that's it for the guys. Now for the girls...

First off, don't lose hope. The more you lose hope, the less likely you are to find someone. Guys smell bitterness from miles away. For reals.

Second, make him treat you like a girl! Quit being the best friend. It's tempting, I know. I've been there. It is a false relationship. Quit texting him, quit calling him, and for the love of God, don't hang out alone! Wait for him to text you, to call you, to ask you out. If he asks and you're not sure it's a date or just hanging out be bold and ask. Scary, I know, but it will be worth it to not be confused or to have the awkward "So what are we.." conversation later. Yes, this may mean more Saturday nights alone or just hanging with the girls, but at least when you do get that text message or phone call you know he did it because he wanted to, not because he was just calling you back. I will be honest and say this doesn't solve all problems, but it eliminates a lot of them. Also, if you are best friends with a guy you aren't interested in well, #1 he's probably interested in you and #2 all other guys probably think you're off limits because they are assuming you like your best friend. Don't think for a second that I think ending one of these types of relationships is easy. I literally had to pray to God to get me out of the last one because I couldn't do it.

Last, don't be hyper-critical, but don't settle. I think it's totally fine to know what you want in somebody, but just because he doesn't dress the way you always dreamed your boyfriend would dress doesn't mean he's not worth dating. Guess what? You can buy him new clothes. I'm not saying you should deal with whatever. Everyone has their Seinfeld idiosyncrasies they can't stand. For example, I'm 5'1". I thought I could date a guy 5'5" and it wouldn't bother me. Turns out it does. Just try to find a balance between being too picky and not being picky enough. Remember that if he bothers you somewhat now, imagine how much he'll bug you after 20 years of marriage. Think it through.

Okay, that's it. Those are my thoughts on the whole relationship thing. At least, part of my thoughts. I could go on, but I won't. I'm sure you won't all agree. Feel free to comment and argue, etc. Just thought I'd put my feelings out there.

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